apparently the secret to your success is patron
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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