I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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