cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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