Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
