I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
