i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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