Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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