I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
