have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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