foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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