Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
