Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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