Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
