I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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