Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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