My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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