I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize