You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
