Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
