Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You left your phone here
Wait...
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