Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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