shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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