Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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