dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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