This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
