I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
