**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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