so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
