having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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