All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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