mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
