I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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