how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize