you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
