take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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