My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
