Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
