I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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