look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
