Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
