you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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