I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
