party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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