You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
