Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
