in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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