You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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