I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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