i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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