You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
