My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
