They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
