i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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