need another drink. this is the easiest way
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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