Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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