Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize