My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
