brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
