its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
