I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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