So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
