His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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