I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
