I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
