Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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