I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
