she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
