How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
