Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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