And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
