this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Come see our sink grown plant.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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