Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
